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HELEN-ROWLAND 




Class *' ^ c^ tJcJr J^J 






COPYRfGHT DEPOSnV 




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PROMISED TO PAY A WOMAN'S BILLS FOR LIFE. 







BY-HELEN- I^OWLfSND 

DECDR/^TIONS ooooBY oooohAROLO oooo5PEftKA\ AN 
DDDGE PUBLIShIND COMPAKl)^ 

N CW Y O i^ K 



COPYRIGHT 1915 BY 
DODGE PUBLISHING COMPANY 






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©JU4 18819 



TO 

MY HUSBAND 

WILLIAM HILL-BRERETON 

THIS LITTLE BOOK IS AFFECTIONATELY 
DEDICATED 




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AKE ! For the Spring has scat- 
tered into flight 
The Vows of Lent, and bids the 
heart be light. 
Bring on the Roast, and take 
the Fish away ! 
The Season calls— and Woman's 
eyes are bright ! 



Oo9^0 




0°9^0 










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EFORE the phantom of Pale 
Winter died, 
Methought the Voice of Spring 
within me cried, 
" When Hymen's rose-decked 
altars glow within. 
Why nods the laggard Bachelor 
outside?" 



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(3>s to 



ND, at the Signal, I who stood 

before 
In idle musing, shouted, " Say no 
more! 
You know how little while 
we have to Love — 
And Love's light Hand is knock- 
ing at the door!" 




9rP6j 




Q?o9o§ 





COI 



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OW, the New Moon reviving 
:]co old desires, 

The gallant Youth to Sentiment 
aspires ; 
And ere he saunters forth on 
conquest bent, 
Himself, like unto Solomon, 
attires. 



5) 



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HIS WINTER GARMENTS HUNG— WHERE, NO ONE KNOWS ! 



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O0?^O 

oOi>oo 

SI 



OW blithely through the smil- 
ing throng he goes, 
His Winter garments hung— 
where, no one knows! 
A Symphony in radiant scarfs 
and hose, 
Wrought t'inspire a maiden's 
"Ah's!"and"Oh's!" 



009^0 









13 



B 



Q 



NTO a new Flirtation, why not 
knowing, 
Nor whence, his heart with mad- 
ness overflowing ; 
Then out of it— and thence, 
without a pause, 
Into another, willy-nilly blowing. 



% 









HAT if the conscience feel, per- 
chance, a sting? 
No danger waits him— save the 
Wedding Ringi 
A Kiss is not the sin that 
yesterday 
It was— for that was LenU and 
this is Spring! 



90 



Qd 



§$?§ 





C3C 



5) 



OME simple ones may sigh for 
^ wealth or fame, 

And some, for the sweet Domes- 
tic Life, and tame; 
But ah ! give me a supper, a 
cigar, 
A charming Woman— and the 
old Love-Game 1 



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OME blue points on the half- 
shell, in a row, 
Some iced champagne, a melt- 
ing bird— and Thou 
Beside me flirting, 'neath a 
picture hat— 
Oh, single life were Paradise 
enowl 



[17] 







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oOii,oo 





a 
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COZY-CORNER tete-a-t6te— 

what bliss ! 
A murmured word, a sigh, a 
stolen kiss— 
Ah, tell me, does the Prom- 
ised Paradise 
Hold anything one-half so sweet 
as this? 



% 










ND yet, since I am made of ^oQ2^ 
common clay, 
One charm I'd add to this divine 
array ; 
Lord make me careful, and 
whate'er betide, 
Without proposing, let me slip 

away! ggog 






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5) 



5) 



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OR, some Tve known, the brav- 
iio est and the best. 

Who laughed at Love, as but an 
idle jest, 
Have, one by one, walked 
straight into the Net, 
Helpless, before the Cozy Corner 
test! 



0) 





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HUS, oft, beside some damsel 

fond and fair, 
I've sat, thrilled by the perfume 
of her hair. 
And madly longed to mur- 
mur, lip-to-lip, 
"Beloved, marry me!"— but did 
not dare! 











[211 



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OR some Fve wooed, when I 
felt blithe and gay, 
Have looked so different, when 
we met next day, 
That I have simply stopped 
to say, "So charmed!" 
And shuddering, sped hurriedly 
away! 



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OOK to the Married Men ! Alas, ^S)9^ 
their gains 
Are neither here nor there, for all 
their pains. 
For wedding bells are rung— 
and loudly rung 
To drown the clanking of the 
Marriage Chains ! 




g°^§ 




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5) 



MOMENT'S halt— a little word 
3C3 or two— 

And you have done what you 
can ne'er undo ; 
Promised to pay a Woman's 
bills for life— 
Anchored yourself— and there's 
an end of you ! 



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ND we, who now make merry 

at the gloom 
Of those who thus have gone to 
meet their doom- 
May we, ourselves, not some 
day follow suit. 
Ourselves to be the Butt of jests 
—for whom? 




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NDEED, 'tis better to have 
loved and lost- 
Taken the Kiss and fled, at any 
cost, 
Than to have loved and mar- 
ried, and for aye, 
Thereafter, by a Woman, to be 
bossed. 



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STTCF 




ITH me, along that strip of ^?o9o^ 
Broadway strewn 
With lovely maids, each radiant 
afternoon, 
And think, of all the thou- 
sands you behold, 
That you can marry one— and 



only one ! 




Wrp:i% 



[27] 





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UT, if the lip I kiss, the hand I 

press, 
Upon the morrow seem to charm 
me less. 
Ah well, am I not still a 
BacheloTy 
And thus, entitled to— another 
Guess? 



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■ ■»: 




SOME FOR THE COMFORTS OF A CLUB MAY SIGH. 





oOil^oo 



OME for the comforts of a club 
may sigh, 
And some for a hermit's lonely 
life. Not I ! 
Give me a cozy hearthside, 
and a Girl 
Always "at home" when / chance 
by! 



[31] 












OO^-Oo 








B 



ER cushioned chair a spot 

where I may curl 
My weary form, and rest, beyond 
the whirl 
Of madd'ning cares; to rise 
at half-past ten, 
And call next night— upon an- 
other girl I 



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[32] 






HY, if a man can thus, at ease, ^^o^ 
abide 
Each evening by a different dam- 
sel's side, 
Were't not a shame— were't 
not a shame, for him 
To any one, forever to be tied ? 






C3I 



5) 



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ND so, the girls I've set my 
CO heart upon, 

I've flattered, wooed a little— and 
anon. 
Just as they thought to slip 
the fatal Noose 
About my neck, behold— the Bird 
had flown 



5) 



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OR this the argument that I 
submit— 
Refute it, if you can, with all 
your wit! 
That Luck in Love, for such 
as you and I, 
^ ^^y) Consists in safely keeping out of 
C^^ it! 



oO>P 

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00?^0 

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HIS morn, I've quaffed at least 
a quart or more 
Of water— yet am thirsty as be- 
fore; 
And that dark taste still lin- 
gers in the mouth 
With which, last night, I refor- 
mation swore. 



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SOME ANGEL, WITH A SAVING DRINK. 





ET, when some Angel, with a ^O^p^ 
saving drink 
(S7>^ Of iced Nepenthe comes, I shall 
not shrink; 
But, having drunk of it, shall 



^f%) feel again 

lO 

As good and noble as before, I 
think. 




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coc 



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'i ACH morn some fresh repent- 
j^ ance brings, you say ? 

Yes— but where leaves the vows 
of Yesterday ? 
For I shall make and break 
them all, again. 
When Time hath taken this 
Headache away. 








HAT if my conscience seem an 
idle joke— 
My good resolves all disappear 
in smoke? 
This thought remains— and 
is it not enough?— 
do not wear the Matrimonial 
Yoke! 







IV no 




OZsOO 




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AY ! There is no one waiting 
at the door, 
Whene'er I wander in at half- 
past four, 
No one to question, no one to 
accuse. 
No one, my shocking frailty to 
deplore ! 



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O one to greet me with her Poo9^ 
tear-stained eyes, 
No one to doubt my quaint, fan- 
tastic lies, 
No one my foolish looks to 
criticize— 
Ah, but the knots, the KNOTS 
in marriage- ties! 




aSfos 





coc 




H Friend, could you and I, 
to somehow, conspire. 

To grasp the Matrimonial 
Scheme entire. 
Would we not shatter it to 
bits— and then. 
Make of its bonds a rousing Fu- 
neral Pyre? 



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YSELF, when young, did ea- 
gerly frequent 
The weddings of my friends on 
Bondage bent ; 
But evermore thanked Fate, 
when I escaped 
Scot-free, by that same door 
wherein I went. 













XPPo 

oOiijOo 




B 13 



B 



NTO the fatal compact, why 

not knowing, 
I've seen them go, nor dream 
where they were going ; 
Then out again, with shouts 
of "W^estward, ho!" 
The bitter seeds of Alimony sow- 
ing! 



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H well, they say that, some- 
times, side by side, 

A cat and dog may peacefully 

abide. 

Perhaps— perhaps. But that 

is only when 

That cat and dog are not together 
tied! 




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FT, to some patient married 
cQ man I turn, 

The secret of his dumb content 
to learn. 
But lip-to-ear, he mutters, 
"Fool, beware!" 
This is the path, whence there is 
no return • " 



g) 





BUT, LIP-TO-EAR, HE MUTTERS, " FOOL. BEWARE 




H, threats of Hell, and hopes of 
Paradise ! 
One thing is certain— when a 
Husband dies, 
No wife shall greet him 
there with "Where's" or 
"W^hy's" 
cpo^O^ Nor mock with laughter his 
oO^Op ^^g^ subtle lies! 



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O matter whether up or down 
he goes, 
He neither cares nor questions, I 
suppose ; 
Since Death can hold no bit- 
terness for him. 
Because— because— Oh well, he 
knows, HE KNOW^S ! 



% 



Q 





OULD you the spangle of exist- (^oQ25^ 
ence spend 
In Matrimony? Slow about, my 
Friend ! 
A maiden's hair is more oft 
false than true, 
And on the chemist may her 

blush depend. S$?o 









COI 



70 



MAIDEN'S hair is more oft 
false than true 1 
Aye, and her Modiste is, per- 
chance, the clue. 
Could you but know it, to 
her sylph-like grace. 
And, peradventure, to her Figure, 
too. 



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OoOo 
oOiUoo 



HY, for this NOTHING, then, 
should you provoke 
The gods, or lightly don the gall- 
ing yoke 
Of unpermitted pleasure, un- 
der pain 
Of Alimony-until-Death, if 
broke? 



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[55] 




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HY, when to-day your bills are 
promptly paid, 
Assume the whims of some ca- 
pricious maid, 
Incur the debts you never did 
contract, 
And yet must settle? Oh, the 
sorry trade! 



t% 



(3 





I SWORE— BUT WAS I SOBER WHEN I SWORE? 




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O settle down and marry," oft 
of yore, 
I swore— but was I sober when 
I swore? 
And then there came another 
girl — and I 
Turned gaily to the old Love- 
Game, once more. 





cat 




ND, much as I repented things 
cQ like this, 

And fondly dreamed of sweet 
Domestic Bliss, 
I sometimes wonder what a 
wife can give, 
One half so thrilling as a stolen 
kiss 



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ET, if the hair should vanish 
from my brow, 
My girth, in time, to great dimen- 
sions grow— 
If youth's sweet-scented 
"Buds" should pass me by, 
Accounting me an antiquated 
beau— 







QS'rP 
oQ^ox) 




"olo^o 









s 



HY then, some winged angel, 
ere too late- 
Some maiden verging onto twen- 
ty-eight— 
W^ill gladly take what's left of 
me, I trow, 
And, leading me to wedlock, 
thank her Fate ! 



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Cp--vC5D' 






LAS, for those who may to-day ^^^ 
prepare ^ "^ 

The wedding trousseau for the 
morrow's wear, 
A voice of warning cried, 
"There's many a slip 
Betwixt the Altar and the Soli- 



taire!" 




^Sfog 





CC( 



NTO this pact, man glides like 

water flowing, 
But out of it is not such easy 
going; 
For they, who once were sim- 
ple, guileless things. 
In Breach-of-Promise lore are 
now more knowing. 



70 



5) 





WHAT ! WOULD YOU CAST A LOVING WOMAN HENCE? 








oOii^oo 



HAT ! Would you cast a love- 

ing Woman hence ? 
Thou, Fickle One, prepare for 
penitence ! 
Full many a golden ducat 
shall you pay 
To drown the memory of such 
insolence. 








\j 








B 



ND every note, that, in your 
cups, you write. 
In cold black Type, perchance 
shall see the light ; 
While all the World, across 
its coffee urn, 
Shall titter gaily at the sorry 
sight. 



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^ H yes! For all the papers, 

which discussed 
Your wedding plans, shall turn 

your cake to crust, 
Publish your letters and your 

photographs, 
And trail your Egotism in the 

dust 








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5) 



C3I 



HE Opera Queens, that men / i 
30 have wooed and won, 

Have loved them for a while, 
and then— anon, 
Like snow upon Broadway, 
with lightsome " touch," 
Annexed their millions, and alas, 
have flown ! 



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5) 



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H look you, in the long and 
varied list 
Of Millionaires thus rifled and 
dismissed, 
How, rich man, after rich 
^ man, bode his hour, 

t ^ 1] ^ Then went his way, to swell the 
^A^o golden grist. 



[71] 




oOiUoo 




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ojOi^oo 




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HAT Diva's rubies ever glow 
so red 
As when some Gilded Chappie 
hath been bled? 
And every diamond the Show 
Girl wears, 
Dropped in her lap, when some 
Fool lost his head. 



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:qo: 



ND those who hung around 

the green-room door, 
And those who backed the Show 
and paid the score, 
Alike, to no such "Angels" 
have been turned, 
As, once repentant, men feel sor- 
ry for. 



9.0 



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H, my Good Fellow, keep the 
iio cash, that clears 

To-day of unpaid debts and fu- 
ture fears. 
To-morrow ! Why, to-mor- 
row, you may be. 
Yourself, with Yesterday's cast- 
off millionaires. 



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HEN, make the most of what 

you still may spend, 
Ere you, too, into bankruptcy 
descend, 
Bill upon bill, and under bill, 
to lie, 
Sans Cash, sans Love, sans Lady 
—What an end 







O 



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B 



ASTE not your evenings in the 

vain pursuit 
Of this or that girl. Bitter- 
sweet the fruit ! 
Better be jocund with them, 
one and all, 
And loving many, thus your love 
dilute. 



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[76] 






.u n o, 







OME, with vivacity have sought 
to charm 
Av^ay my fears, and still my 
soul's alarm ; 
To win me subtly, with a 
smile or sigh, 
Or sweet appealing touch upon 
the arm. 



[77] 




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OIC 



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THERS have tempted me with 

festive cheer, 
And Chafing-dish Concoctions, 
quaint and queer ; 
With dear, domestic airs have 
plied their arts- 
Yet, all their wiles were neither 
there nor here 



g) 





QToO 



UT when Platonic Friendship 
they have tried, 
Then, to the gods for Mercy, have 
I cried ! 
For, in the Husband-hunt, all 
other snares 
Sink into Nothingness, this game 
beside ! 



009^0 




cP^op 













B 



HERE is the Trap, from which 
you may not flee ; 
There is the Net, through which 
no man may see. 
Some jest at " love," some talk 
of "chums," and then, 
Into the Consomme, for thee and 
mel 



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THERE IS THE TRAP, FROM WHICH YOU MAY NOT FLEE. 




HETHER to Church, or to the 

Magistrate, 
You follow, after that, 'tis all too 
late! 
For, from your Pipe-dream, 
you, at last, shall wake, 
A MARRIED MAN, to rail in 
vain at Fate ! 



^?»io 





oO^O 




a)[ 




CO 



OVE, but the Vision of a dear 
desire! 

Marriage, the Ashes, whence has 
fled the fire! 
Cast into chains which you, 
yourself, have forged ! 
Caught, like a sheep upon a stray 
barbed wire ! 



b 





1^4^^ 




oOil^oo 



H Thou, who first the Apple 

Tree didst shake, 
And e'en in Eden flirted with 
the Snake, 
Still, as in that first moment 
'neath the Bough, 
Dost thou, to-day, of Man a 
puppet make! 



[85] 











0' 
oOiioo 







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B 



UT this I know— whether the 
one True Mate, 
Or just some Fluffy Thing with 
hook and bait, 
Eve-like, tempt me~one flash 
of Common Sense, 
And all her sorcery shall be too 
late! 



% 



13 






.oio;? 






HEN, let her never look for me, 
again ; 
For, once escaped, how many 
moons shall wane, 
And wax and wane full oft, 
while still she looks 
Down that same street— but ah, 
for ME, in vain ! 



[87] 



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CGL 



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ET, much as I have played the 
CO Infidel, 

If, as the fated Pitcher to the 
W^ell, 

)) Too oft to Love's empyrean 

Font I stray, 
To fall, at last, beneath some 
Siren's spell, 



5) 



(^ 








HEN, in your mercy, Friend, 
forbear to smile, 
And with the grape my last few 
hours beguile. 
Or, let me in some Caravan- 
serie. 
My Cynic's soul to shackles recon- 
cile. 



Oz.0 



i 





as 



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ND when, with me, some fair, 
triumphant lass. 
Up to the rose-decked Altar- 
Rail shall pass. 
And, in her joyous errand, 
reach the spot. 
Where we're made One — oh, 
drain a silent glass! 
Tamam. 



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[90] 




